Poetry Thursday - Tug of War

In this, my last contribution to Poetry Thursday, I want to say good-bye to the great people who contributed so much to the poetry road I now walk down. I started a poetry class two weeks ago and I already feel myself growing in directions that I never would have imagined trying. Tug of War is one of those directions. I never would have imagined that I would write in sonnet form nor pay attention to formal meter and yet with the completion of this first sonnet, I know I will do many more in this form. So while we say good-bye to Poetry Thursday, I know that we all look forward to discovering what will be taking its place.

Tug of War

Life pulling hard, pulls, reaching, straining,
As daily life wears and erodes my soul.
Life not steady, must be ever changing,
Yet a steady life is my major goal.
Work intrudes, interrupts the daily grind,
Thoughts of waiting future my daily breath.
Evenings weep, bittersweet slices of rind,
Eight to five void, a recurring small death.
Passions igniting, life filled with hope.
Gardens explode with energy, burst with dreams.
The span between, fragile, a bridge of rope,
Daily life hinting at more than it seems.
Life, many moments tried, judged and chanced,
Life inhabited now, richly enhanced.

August Full Moon... A Shelley Flow Blue Day

A Magical Enchantment

Sunrise breathed a mild heat through the Willowland morning blowing in with it Princess Corey in her Midnight Geape. It was time to make our way to the Etchiver Keep, home of Stella Shelley, the friend of her childhood, she with whom was shared all secrets great and small as they grew from girlhood to womanhood.

The Keep is modest on the outside, guarded by her fierce and loyal guardian/mate, Eric. Within the Keep, the glow of translucent Flow Blue dominates and at the center of the glow sat the indomitable Stella Shelley. We had arrived just in time to join in her current mission of the season, the redecorating of her Greeting room.

Blue eyes a match for her Flow Blue collection, Stella Shelley had a vision – white furniture becoming dark, chairs moved left to right. As we stepped through the door, the command to get involved in the activities was issued. Without hesitation we joined her two daughters, the Healermaid, Brit, and the delicate unicorn rider, Garrett. But, of course, being women and I the unknown addition to the mix, it was no time at all before work stopped and conversation began.

Princess Corey had promised me that very soon after meeting Stella Shelley, I would completely forget her ALS and the sheer force of Shelley's personality proved this to be true. Every morning Guardian Eric would bathe her, dress her, feed her, and settle her into her chair. Garrett and Brit applied her make-up and brushed her hair. She was ready for her day.

On first meeting Stella Shelley, I saw only a soft cap of pale yellow hair, Flow Blue eyes, and Flamingo pink fingernails. But by afternoon's end, her stillness went unnoticed as the energy of her one moving finger, the toss of her head, the shifting direction of her eyes, and the force of her voice took over.

Stella Shelley is a stylish and upbeat woman. She is:

Engaging
Humor-filled
Courageous
Sharp-eyed and detailed

Her creative vision is
Clear
Intelligent and
Knowledgeable.

For her, dreams are to be made a reality. Her illness may be central to her life but it is pushed to the sidelines.

She
Will NOT
Be
Interfered
With.

TOO SOON THE WONDERLAND IDLE IN WILLOWS ENDED. MYRIAD THOUGHTS FLOATED THROUGH MY MIND LIKE COTTONWOOD FLUFF - LIGHT, INSUBSTANTIAL, IMPOSSIBLE TO GRASP. BUT WITH TIME AND SUSTAINED THOUGHT, THE IMPRESSIONS AND SELF-DISCOVERY FILTERED THROUGH TO BRIGHT SUNLIGHT AND I WAS ABLE TO . . .

. . .ask myself – what sort of choices would I make for the sake of love?

Medical care is unaffordable. What terrible choice would I make? Sell my business or divorce my spouse?

Life is filled with challenges but feels normal, in fact, almost ordinary. Would I accept the loss of a job rather than use my life as proof that I can deal with difficult situations?

Or, would I recognize that TIME is worth any amount of money. Athletic scholarships are only A way, not THE way. Would I recognize that claiming time was the more valued road?

We can't know how we would answer such questions without the experience of being tested by life's fires. We can only guess based on the strength of our own self-knowledge.

I left her that day knowing a little more about myself, thankfully realizing that I did know the difference between pity and sympathy. But most importantly I learned there is nothing that can keep us from living a full and complete life. Life has no limits as long as we love.

Love attracts Love

Our bodies may betray us

But our hearts will grow larger.

********************************************************

For more views of our August visits with Shelley and for additional links, please visit Lea on this August Harvest Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse!!!!

Meet Tanner

After a month of discussions and searching, we went over to the local SPCA to see what sorts of small dogs might be available for adoption. It didn't take Kris (or me for that matter) long to fall in love with an adorable little Chihuahua/terrier mix named Tanner.

What a perfect name for the little guy. Tan nose. Tan coat. Tan eyes. The coat sealed the deal since it was the same color as Krista's red hair.




Tanner had been at the SPCA for about a month. We were really surprised to learn that no one had adopted him sooner since he is a totally engaging little guy. The Los Banos, CA pound had called the SPCA in Modesto to ask if they would be willing to take Tanner in. He was about to be euthanized and the pound folks in Los Banos didn't want to do it. He was sweet, young, healthy, and very adoptable. SPCA stepped up and Tanner dodged a major bullet.

Tanner is about 12 lbs, loves to play with his ball and his chew toy. He doesn't bark hardly at all. We've actually only heard him once so far. He is semi-housebroken. Training him to use the pet door to use the backyard is our major activity.

Our cat, Gus, let Tanner know right off the bat who was boss. Tanner is showing the proper respect and Gus is now showing interest in Tanner. They are actually about the same size so it's a good mix.

Tanner is a bit jumpy and startles easily but we think that with time that quirk will disappear. He doesn't like voluntarily getting into cars so we have to lift him in for the time being. But once he is in the car he's great. Nose to the window, he collects fans at all the stoplights. We picked up a car seat for him yesterday at Pet Extreme and Tanner loves his special place. The seat fits over the back of the front or back seats and there is a clip to secure Tanner's collar to he can't jump around. It's roomy and comfy, rides high off the seat and Tanner can look out and see his world.

Welcome to our house little guy.

Look What's Going Up Outside My Office Door

Picture created from four photos using photostitch application

There is a huge megachurch evangelical revival event going on just outside my building. The http://www.harvest.org/ people have been setting up since Sunday night for this tonight through the weekend event. After watching Christiane Amanpour's "God's Warriors - Part III" last night on CNN, I have a very clear idea of what will be happening in the amphitheatre this weekend. Greg Laurie's Harvest organizers expect 15,000 people per night and man are they set up for it. I'm stunned by the backstage peek I'm getting of this sort of event. I'm blown away and I'm staying home. Traffic and energy is more than I want in my life these days. I'll probably drop in on the live feed at harvest.org to see what will be going on just down the road from me.

Poetry Thursday

MUST THERE BE TEARS?

You laid there wasted and pale -
Greedy death waited and watched.

Doors open, close, and open again -

White soled feet come and go.

Halting breath, mottled feet -

Antiseptic air, astringent and sharp

I press my forehead against the wall

seeking comfort and strength where none is to be found.

You lay there unmoving but not alone.

Family and friends arrive

Son and daughter with wife and husband join hands

Insubstantial spirits surround you, welcoming you home.

Parents gone since your youth – Husband of 54 years

I smile with bittersweet relief.

Tears should wet my face

But only weakness settles in my knees

As my breath matches labored breathing, I wonder

Is it possible to cry and not shed a tear?

Swept Away Into the Land of Willows

With the flourish of her hand and with the aid of a midnight chariot Geape, Princess Chorye swept Elfin Annie into an adventure. In the distance a stealthy herdsman approached cows and sheep.The brave young herdsman boldly gave chase gathering the herds into a circle. It seemed an odd activity and I asked the Princess why the young herdsman was chasing the animals. She said all young men did this to gain strength and agility so they would be able to catch the lady who had captured their eye.

Not far from the young herdsman, a sage crone gestured to her helpers. "Tell the young man to keep at it. The young ladies will want stout men of size and strength. Remind him that he has time to fulfill all of his dreams." And her eyes twinkled with memory.

At last, after soaring through gardens and exploring the wonders and possibilities of Holy Ground,

the Geape arrived at the home of Godmother Mary and after exploring to her heart's content, Elfin Annie was invited to the castle restoration of Dawter Ren-A.

The castle restoration was a walk into the past. Dawter Ren-A and her bondmate were taking a rundown and neglected house and resurrecting it to its former stateliness.

Within were found portraits of owners long gone or at play with their friends,

fanciful dolls made by Ren's sister, Den-Eaze,

sparkling ceilings,

evolving rooms,

and a history of the Princess's home far away.

Too soon the day ended and still there was the final visit to be made to the realm of Stella Shelley. Elfin Annie could hardly wait.

Poetry Thursday

IN THE BACKGROUND

Whistling patron
Shop-talking cops
Indistinct voices float from TODAY

Cold case generator purrs
Metal scoop grinds against ice

Blender commotion
Hiss of steam
Ceramic warmth on my fingertips
I sigh

Cash drawer slams
Tip jar jingles
Grocery carts rattle beyond the door

All join the silent passage of my pen on paper.

Come Rest With Me

This image is from one of the many secret corners I explored in Willows recently. Suddenly I find myself not resting, as the title above implies, but actually actively writing poetry and working on the continuation of my fairytale.

My six week poetry class started yesterday and the fairytale continues to take form. I'm just dropping in now for a brief "hello" and to let a couple of people, who may be wondering, know that the fairytale is "in progress". As usual, things take much longer for me than I might have guessed.

The Glove

Some things just cry out to be shared. Please click here to see what MaryEllen found.

Introduction to a Fairytale

Once upon a time, in a land called Willows, Princess Corey returned to her home from a land far away across the sea. But after 7 weeks, she yearned for her beloved prince who had remained home to attend to the duties of the kingdom.

The Princess loved being at home with her parents in the kingdom of her youth as did her children but time needed to slow down a bit so she could take a breath from all of her duties as princess of the kingdom.

So, she gathered her friends from near and far and a great party was celebrated with a special guest of honor, her fairy godmother. Godmother Mary was a magical woman who lived in a house filled with treasures stacked to the ceiling. Princess Corey knew there was one person, Elfin Annie, who would love beyond all things, the opportunity of seeing her Godmother's treasures

But more than that, Princess Corey knew that Annie would like to meet the star in her friendship crown, Stella Shelley.

Making haste, she summoned Elfin Annie and in a wave of her hand, whisked her through a secret garden and into the Land of Willows.

Good Things

Yesterday I received an email from Kim. she was talking to me about how my recent spiritual journey has inspired her. In fact, she was so inspired, felt so good, that she created an Inspiring Blogger Award (see sidebar) to present to me as the first to be honored. Sunday Scribbles' theme this week is about Goosebumps and though I have not contributed to SS is quite a while, this honor certainly qualifies for a contribution.

Kim has made no rules for this award; only requesting that it be passed along. I have decided to pass this award along to my friend, Biene. Biene has not been too active with her blogging these days but she is a regular visitor to a few blogs and I know that many of you will recognize her.

I met Biene many years ago when she was an undergraduate piano major who was going through the music program as a senior scholar. She has since graduated and has been working now on an Interdisciplinary Masters program in Art, Music, and History (hope I got that right B). Biene has seen me through thick and thin these past several years and was my earliest supporter when I started to write. She eventually started her own blog sharing a world of deer and other forest critters in her front yard, poison oak, discouraging home sale, random photos of her long drive down the mountain from Angels Camp to get to classes, her passion for knitting, and her adored grandchildren.

So, my dear friend Biene, I pass this award to you. And to all my friends out there, I invite you to think about one person (or more) in the blogging world who has been there for you, has given you insight, lifted you UP, and made a difference in your life.

Thank you Kim for thinking of me in this very special way. I am honored and grateful.

Rocking NICE

Many thanks to Jennifer for this award. Don't you love all these special acknowledgements that have bloomed all over the blogsphere? I think you all rock! I have met a couple of women recently that don't blog (yet) but really rock themselves. I'm honoring Shelly and Mary here just because they truly deserve to be known. You were introduced to Mary's house yesterday. There will be something about Shelly in the next couple of days.

Just as I'm about to post this, CattyCat sends a surprise my way - a Nice Matters Award. Darn, am I a lucky girl this week.

It is my pleasure to pass these awards along to:

The Friendliest Flower
Just Bee-Cause
Peacock Blue
Tongue in Cheek
Nature Trail

How Mary's Garden Grows

Thursday I drove up to Willows and spent a couple of days there. I was embraced by Corey's mom, was eaten alive by mosquitos, and was treated to a peek into the private world's of several very special women. Mary is Corey's Godmother. She has created a home that, for me, can't be described in any other way but as Pure Magic. In no particular order, the following is a glimpse of the grand tour of a very special house created by a remarkable woman.

Wedding ring pillows made by the talented hands of Mary's daughter, Renee.

A teacup wreath created by the equally talented hands of Mary's daughter, Denise.

I have to call this "Englebrite Hommage".

It reminds me so much of M.E.

Bunny doll created by Denise.

Chair restored and given new life by Mary.

My personal favorite image from the house.

Moving North

A few months ago there was an exhibit in the art gallery that I just loved. But more than the exhibit, I loved the catalog they made for it. Every time I walked by the gallery, I would pick up multiple copies of the catalog. My intention was to use the pages as an already decorated journal. So far I have filled up three of the catalogs.

This week when I finished filling the third one I noticed the credits on the back page. The exhibit was on loan from the Riverside Art Museum in Riverside California. I found myself feeling curiously at home. I felt like I was closing a circle. I held the catalog and thought back to that uncertain time in my life and with a perspective of 30 years find myself pleased with how things turned out for me.

In 75-77 I attend and graduated from UC Riverside. As I say on the last page of my journal posted above, it wasn't the happiest time of my life. But it has turned out to be a doorway from one life to the next and for that I will always be grateful that I was led to attend this school. The circle isn't perfect and it is formed from part memory, part modeling at the art museum, part yearning for a direction that wasn't formed yet, and part clouded in mist. Memories may not be so clear now and modeling is definitely history. But the direction has formed and the mists have risen.

Somewhere along the line I discovered that I like to dabble in art but I get a rush when it comes to writing. Somewhere along the line I realized that in order to really write I would have to find classes, workshops, structured instruction. Funny how things come to you when you ask - REALLY ask. I found the poetry workshop I was looking for and I signed up for it today. I did a search at Good Reads for other Turlock members and one I found is a poet. I invited him to join my friends list and with his agreement I suddenly have this amazing wealth of books to explore - all poetry.

Today is the end of my summer. I may have one more Friday off but I am suddenly so busy, it may not happen. School starts again on September 5th and the rapidity of its approach leaves me almost breathless. But today I was visiting with our technician and I realized that I wasn't stressed out about the buzz, activity and demands starting again. After all, Ken is just starting out in his career, just starting to build his family. I'm at the tail end of these human endeavors. Two years and I retire. The light isn't a pinprick anymore. I can SEE the end of the tunnel. I feel a security that I did not feel before. Responsibilities tend to make you insecure. After all, what if you blow it? What if you fail? Think of all the people that depend on you.

But today is the end of my summer and tomorrow I get to leave for a while and share a couple of days with Corey and her family. When I met Corey face to face in March, I was just at the beginning of the internal changes that started taking me over. I was on the brink of going sleeveless. I was just starting to get comfortable facing a camera again. I was about to embark on a journey that so far has helped me to loss 23 lbs. Now I'm going to start taking a class in the art of writing poetry. I'm starting to take my art seriously. I'll be back on Saturday with lots to share, perhaps even a poem or two.

Celebrating My Body

I used to hate being on the lens side of the camera. I was the one always taking pictures. I hated the way I would look in pictures. I was convinced that I ruined pictures.Then in early June I decide to leave my sleeve covered arms behind and get comfortable. I started going sleeveless. It was so freeing. Completely liberating. I decided I could look solemn and unsmiling or just sorta smiling at Quanah's wedding OR I could bust out with happiness. I could let the smiles rain out over whatever camera was pointed in my direction. End result? Some terrrific pictures of ME.

Yesterday I had lunch with Biene and we walked to the campus store for drinks. As we went over the footbridge behind the music building, I threw my hands into the air just glorying in the fabulous day it was. The next thing I knew, out came the camera. I had to record this. I wanted to love my body. Accept my body. Hug it and take care of it.

Thanks Biene for being on the spot to take these pictures.

Cats and Doves

Imagine my surprised as I walked into work this morning to a larger than life Dr. Seuss cat hat. The children's summer theatre program had been very busy over the weekend building sets and props. By the time the final show comes around, the lobby will be full of fun stuff.

She is very shy but Baby is starting to peek out at the world.

Fragments of Time - Part II

Time moved slowly on Saturday. A one hour trip to Modesto turned into three plus hours. Not unusual but it ended up being spectacularly unproductive.

We had learned last week that the lady who specialized in small dog adoptions would be at PetSmart this weekend. She is usually there more than once a month but she is routinely there on the first weekend of every month. So off Krista and I went to PetSmart after my Jenny weigh-in.

Oh, I don't think I've mentioned it but Don and I agreed to Krista getting a small dog. You have no idea what a big deal this is. It's right up there with the same sort of discussions you would have with your 9 year old child who is begging for a puppy. Of course, this child is pushing 23 but the script was pretty much the same with the added fillip of adult negotiations added to the discussion.

Suffice it to say, we are soon to be invaded by a small dog (not a puppy) and definite one from a rescue center. Brenda, the lady at PetSmart (and who never showed up - hence the waiting) runs a rescue service specializing in small dogs. Her cat rescuing friend, Stella, WAS there however, and we learned that Brenda was second honeymooning with her husband AND she lived in Turlock. Well, heck. How convenient is that since WE live in Turlock.

So - anyway - we are still small dogless but while there the local greyhound rescue group arrived for their weekly meet-up and I got a chance to wander around PetSmart taking pictures of birds and other small creatures. Turns out this was not legit but I DID stop when the policy was 'splained.


Greyhounds on alert. They see more friends walking in their direction.

Much excited sniffing and wiggling and greeting ensues.

Krista makes a new friend.

Personally, if I were in the market for a dog, greyhounds would be high on my list. They are mild mannered, very calm and loving, and aren't much for barking. Not to mention their incredible gracefulness. Yes indeed, Don. Greys would be very high on my list. Not a lapdog but totally acceptable. Hmmmmm - someday.

My walk through PetSmart introduced me to this little guy. He was happy, shiny, and friendly - definitely a satisfied customer.

Fragments of Time - Part I

Just one week ago tomorrow, Quanah was here with Erin but setting out to leave for Indiana. Now they are settling into their new life together in Fort Wayne. Erin is starting her new job, Quanah is going into year two of his job and much more confident than he was a year ago. And it is just now sinking in to me that a major phase of my life has ended.

This has been a recovery week for me. I have lost all the weight i gained and my desire to continue losing is still strong and soaring.

Friday I went through the remains of much of mom's storage locker. I have tossed and distributed much but still have one box to go through. I gave Dave what I had found yesterday including dad's video tapes of John Wayne movies he loved so much. Dave was glad to have them and left talking about the movie viewing for the upcoming evening. I wonder if Yolanda has any particular feelings about John Wayne. Hmmmmm.

**************************

Midweek, we noticed that our dove was sitting higher in her nest. Past experience has taught us that when this happens, the eggs have likely hatched. Usually we have two little baby doves but this time was different.

There you can see a little head barely visible beneath mommy's breast. We still don't know if there are one or two babies.

Saturday morning I was up early and noticed that mommy dove was not in the nest. This was the perfect time to see what the camera would catch. I carefully and quietly walked outside, looked around to see if mommy was nearby and then walked to the hanging plant that has become yet again another nursery. I don't touch the planter but simply reach in and point the camera downward. I did a 360 around the planter and ahah, there she is - one tiny little dove.

Mommy is taking very good care of me. Aren't I pretty???