Little Blue Friend

One last thing - At the aquarium, I met the Poison Dart Frog. Even though the black and green one was fascinating, it was the electric blue frog that captured my complete attention when it hopped out from beneath the cover of leaves. This frog just knocked my socks off. I took at least five pictures of the little guy and his more ordinary looking buddy.

Special for Toni and Bridget

Toni and Bridget both know how squeemish (read that "girlie") I am about bugs so when I was at the Steinhart Aquarium in San Francisco yesterday and ran across this display of butterflies and beetles, I could not resist taking pictures and posting them here. The butterflies are so pretty and the bugs!, well, it was amazing to see them reflecting exactly the same beautiful green color. I actually spent some time LOOKING at the beetles, my friends. So, even though I have no idea what their name designation is, I'm betting that with time the two of YOU will be able to tell ME.

SIBLINGS - Part II - At the Marin Headlands

After we left Gold Gate Park, we headed for the Golden Gate Bridge. One of the popular things to do when you are visiting the City is to walk across the bridge. There is a parking area for walkers and then you take off. The views are magnificent. Walking the bridge would have been a first for me and I was a bit leary of doing this mainly because of the cold. As it turned out, the parking lot was full so walking the bridge will have to be saved for another day. However, we had a great Plan B. We headed over to Sausolito but on the way stopped at the Marin Headlands, a beach area I had never visited before. The place was just so incredible. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Please be sure to click on the link to learn more.







This was just the most perfect day. After two weeks of stress and fears, getting away from it all was so healing. I returned completed unwound and relaxed. The heady experience of the City, its beauty, its sights, the adventure, and the magnificent smell of the headlands all conspired to clear my head and more or less clear my heart. I am strengthened and rejuvenated and filled with the love of my brother and sister and our complete togetherness on the very important matter of taking care of mom.

First EVER Sibling Day Part I

Today was a totally special day for me. My brother, sister and I got together, just the three of us, and spent the day in San Francisco. I am the oldest with my sister Marcia about six years behind me and Dave a big 14 years behind me. So basically we didn't grow up together. We all agreed that today had to be the absolute FIRST day EVER that we have been together, just us, goofing around, exploring and have fun. Considering I'm pushing 59, that is really pathetic. Oh well, anyway . . .



We started out at the Steinhart aquarium at their temporary location south of Market while the new, seismically unchallenged building is constructed. The first picture is a school of Pirahna




The seabass filling the tank window here weighs in at about 300 pounds. Quite by accident, the picture also included a youngster at the edge of the tank and gives some great scale so you have an idea of just how big this big boy is.

The name on the crayfish is so odd. It is a brilliant blue as you can see but because of red markings on its claws, it is called the Red-Clawed Crayfish. They are very prolific critters with a range that extends from British Columbia to Australia.


After we left the aquarium we headed for Golden Gate Park. They now have underground parking which makes seeing things so much easier. We discovered that the de Young Museum had been razed and rebuilt. Can't say that I think much of the new building. Very modern construction and I'm more traditional girl. Marcia and David (here) did not like it at all.

In between the aquarium and the park we drove a bit around the city and decided to stop for lunch. One of the wonderful things about S.F. is its neighborhoods. Dave spotted this little cafe as we drove by and yet again the parking angels were with us and we went to check it out. We are so glad we did. It had a small and funky little vibe to it and seemed to be frequented by neighborhood locals.






An older gentleman welcomed us, seemed to be busy doing things and I couldn't figure out if he was the very welcoming owner or just a friendly guy. As it turned out, lunch was delish and Dave got into his favorite position and kicked back later to let the food settle before we took off for Gold Gate Park.

Update on mom

Mom was moved to a rehabilitation center today after spending two weeks in the hospital. Her evaluation will no doubt be on Monday and then things will be started. She is not happy to be there but more to the point, I don't think she is happy to be alive. I discovered today that there have been multiple opportunities for mom to have died in the last two weeks; congestive heart failure, a bleeding ulcer, another stroke. In the end there was no stroke and lasix has taken care of the heart problem for now. She has been withdrawn from another med which will result in rapid bone loss and if she falls she will surely fracture more than her foot. Also, the decrease of asparine has increased her chances substantially for another stroke. I will be with her everyday, probably twice a day urging her to fight back.

You may be asking why we are fighting so hard for mom to live. For us it is about the quality of life. We can't just let her go and my worst fear is that she will not be strong enough to return to her apartment at St. Thomas. That leaves us with few acceptable options for skilled nursing care.

My continued gratitude for your faithful thoughts and prayers on mom's behalf,
Annie

Must Take A Break

This is turning out to be a difficult summer and lately the hits just keep on coming. The good news is that even though mom is in the hospital, she is gaining in wellness, is interested in feeding herself and will, in all likelihood be in physical therapy soon. Then after that she can go back home. But now less than a day after a good evening with mom, the swinging door has swung again and other serious family problems loom. I must have seen this one coming because the nightmare I woke to this morning directly related to the troubling story I heard last night. My sister is coming in from Texas on Thursday and she will be here for a few days and then heads back home. Somewhere along the line we will take some one-on-one time out and visit the aquarium in San Francisco. Then it is back to business as usual. I hope I can start writing again soon but I'm so stopped up right now, nothing works inside me except ideas and they are like wispy things that just can't take form right now.

I'm going to miss you all and I will no doubt peek in to see what is going on in your world. You are all welcome to drop me a line if you like as I will stay connected to my email. For now though, it is vacation time from the blog. I hope to be back and totally re-energized in a few weeks.

My Life Path - A lot to live up to.

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Updates

Photo from Stock Exchange


My world is a series of tilts and turns
Ups and downs
Indecision and confusion and
Uncertainty.

Tilt is joyous and filled with hope.
Turn is filled with sadness and
futile attempts to comfort.

Tilt is a mini-chocolate cake.
Happy birthday mom. You are
86.

Turn is handholding and
futile attempts to comfort.

Tilt is balloons and chocolate pudding.

Turn is pale and vacant eyes and
futile attempts to comfort.

Tilt is conversation and laughter.

Turn is the doctor's call and that
horrible question of what next?

I have no answers.

I Really Need to Lighten Up

Things have been nothing but serious in my life for a couple of weeks now. I need to laugh and be silly and share the treasures of my heart. Things are steady as they go now for mom but my brother and I will have to be making some decisions in the near future about how we handle her future care. But for now, she is still near me.

I love this picture of Quanah and Krista. It is just about my favorite. Quanah was in Pompeii Italy and Krista was in Paris outside of the Louvre. They were both with Francine, Q in May 05 and Kris in March 05. I blended the two together and just love it.















My Two Treasures


A couple of years ago, Don and I went to Disneyland with Kris, Q, and Kris' boyfriend, Chad. We had so much fun. There is nothing like going to Disneyland and not being there with children. It gives a whole new definition to the meaning of FUN. Instead of seeing Disneyland through the eyes of a child, WE could be the children.





















Don and I at Disneyland channeling Luke and Leah and having a blast (pun intended).

Thoughts on Death

Ever since Saturday evening at the wedding, my mother and death have been forthmost in my mind. Tuesday, a week ago, mom broke her foot. From there it has been a slippery slope to this evening and my preoccupation with thoughts of death. One moment Don and I are at a wedding celebrating one of life's great joys and the next we are in ER where my mother lies lethargic and unresponsive. The Tylenal 3 has made her lethargic, she isn't eating, she isn't getting enough fluids, she has become dehydrated and has developed renal problems and a bladder infection. Taken separately, these are not big things but in the body of an 85 year old, three years post stroke woman, these are very big things.

In three days she has gone from non-responsive, to alert, to weeping like a helpless child, to sleeping non-stop, to enduring crashing red blood cell levels. As my brother, David, and I stand in the hallway talking with her doctor, we find ourselves agreeing to blood transfusions and exams to detect internal bleeding. All I can think of is my father, his harsh cancer, his nine years of remission, and then relapse and fast decline and death in January 2001.

Back then I was focused on my mother, post-death responsiblities, my devastated 14 year old daughter, and my 19 year old stoic son. The details of putting a life to rest aren't easy and by the time all of this was behind me, a year had passed by. Focusing on my own grief didn't seem to matter anymore. I had gotten through this terrible year. Little did I know that that year would only be a preview of heartaches to come.

When a parent suffers a stroke, you are going to lose a big part of that person without any promise of what parts will come back whole and functional. For mom it was her loss of speech. She has the capacity to understand but to respond is an impossibly hard struggle. When you are 85 and have limited strength reserves, the effort to communicate becomes monumental. Every task that she performs for herself is done with great care and deliberation. There is no such thing as fast movement anymore. I have found that I have lost something fundamentally important with my mother's stroke. Our roles have been reversed and I find myself turning to the behaviors that worked for me as I reared our children only now instead of ushering my children toward life, I am holding her hand and walking with her on her last journey.

When I think of my father's suffering and swift release from life, I'm grateful, but then I can't help but wonder why mom has to struggle so with life when she is so clearly ready to leave it. I ask God "Why". As a Believer, I think that God must have her here for a purpose but I think the lesson isn't for her but for me. Am I getting the lesson, God? What is the lesson, God? Will learning the lesson release her, God? I wonder how much longer a very tired body can support a flagging spirit. Somehow, I think it is too long.

This'in and That'in

What a few days it has been. The last time I wrote it was Thursday and all of a sudden I discover that I'm half way through Monday. What has been going on in my life? Sort of seems like not much and so much all at once. Go figure.

I had lunch last week with our opera and musical theatre coordinator, Joe, and we went to a wonderful new restaurant, Toscana's. The food is delish and the desert (see tiramasu above) to die for. Don and I had gone there the week before for dinner and had two other deserts. Imagine creme brule cheesecake.

As I left work last week, I noticed that the crepe Myrtles were in glorious bloom all around the recital hall so I had to memorialize the hall. This is such a great place to work.

The theatre arts department is inaugurating it first summer Shakespeare Festival. The amphitheatre has been turned into a piece of old Verona and the Taming of the Shrew will be the first show. It is preceded by 15 Minute Hamlet which is 13 minutes long. The other two minutes are taken up with a performance of 2 Minute Hamlet. Humor galore. Our amphitheatre has never been turned into a stage set before and the results are awesome. We're going to see the performance this Saturday night.

Saturday afternoon we went the wedding of a student in our department who is all but graduated and is, in fact, our department technician. And when Ken's not tech'ing he's usually firefighting with the local volunteers. He got a taste of the mega-multi-acres grass and canyon fires that have been all around us the past two weeks which did not please his bride at all. A week before the wedding he stopped answering his phone. Ken and Rachel got married on the stage at Snider Recital Hall which commemorated where they met. As far as I can tell, this is the first time the hall has been used as a wedding venue. It was definitely a wedding with a twist - sort of like parachuting, or getting married underwater, or . . . well, you get the drift. The bride's dress had a bit of an edge to it as well. White and strapless, it was trimmed at hem and bodice and laced up the back in fire engine red fabric. Even the veil has a bit of a red trim around the edge. Very pretty and very unexpected. While at the reception I notice a bald guy with glasses set on the back of his head. I couldn't resist this shot. Why do people do this?????

All in all, it been a productive day at work and even though it is triple digits outside, I am inside where it is nice and cool.

One Deep Breath - Ritual

We had an event this week that reminded me that we have evolved over the years a ritual for our pets when they pass on. We attract cats by the dozens and have a hard time not taking them in. Over the years cats have come and gone and in recent years we have had at least four disappear, most recently our kitty, Vinnie. We just discovered that one of our departed cats found his way beneath our house to curl up and die. This would have been Lindsay who disappeared about three years ago. The remains were found during the course of a termite inspection of all things. No termites but the mystery of one of our disappeared cats was solved. The whereabouts of Goldie and Poochie and Vinnie remain unknown.

From fish to hamsters to cats, we have had any number of these little family members join the roses in whatever backyard we happened to be occupying. Our newest rose garden addition is the very recently mentioned and very deeply lamented, Psycho Fish. Just three days after taking up occupancy in his new tank that he was harmoniously sharing with Kori the Koi (Yes, Corey, Kori. Blame Krista), Krista found him at the bottom of the tank and much drama ensued. Don gently lifted Psycho Fish from the depths and laid him in a little aluminum bed. Quanah carried him outside followed by Kris and with all due solemnity, buried him with the mini-roses and lavender.

A couple of days ago I realized that with so many backyard burials of hamsters, cats, and fish, we had indeed developed a special ritual of saying good-bye to our little creatures.


Pets enter our home
Living safe and loved lives
Then sleep with roses.

World Cup Day

For me, this has to be a most unexpected entry. What I know about soccer would not fill a thimble. I'm not even sure if the word soccer is used by the rest of the world the way it is used here. Anyway, I found myself unexpected thrown into a room full of soccer enthused men and nary a female (except ME) in sight. How in the world did this happen?

It all started Friday night when Dave, a man in Don's Bible study group called to say that Motamba (from Kenya) was hosting a BBQ at his place Sunday and the families were invited to join in on the fun of watching the Italians and the French knock each other out to score goals with a little white and black ball but not touch it with their hands. OK. I can do that. It's something social and the ladies will either join in or adjourn to poolside.

So off we go Sunday driving north about 40 minutes to our destination. We aren't the first to arrive but I AM the first wife to arrive. Okay, I can deal and darn isn't that French captain just the yummiest thing. I'm cheering for Italy, mind you; after all I'm half Italian (thank you, mom). Several door knocks later more men have arrived. I'm beginning to feel wildly outnumbered, feeling critical of the cameraman and lack of close-ups of the game, and can't concentrate on the J.D. Robb book I brought with me (just in case). Don doesn't know the first thing about soccer either but he is enjoying the comraderie of the group. Quanah could care less so thirty minutes later he is taking me home. He returned later to pick up Don and the final report?

Italy 5/France 3/no women.

Psycho Fish Meets the Koi

I have had a monumentally lazy day today (well, Saturday actually since it is now 12:24 a.m. Sunday morning). I woke up around 7 a.m. to find Krista and Chad (her boyfriend) in the kitchen making French toast, hash browns and bacon. Yummmm. I went back to the bedroom, curled up on the couch we have in there and started reading. Then I fell asleep over the book and didn't wake up until 12:45 p.m. Amazing. I wandered into the kitchen again, this time making coffee, watched "The Air Up There", showered, dressed and left the house about 4:45 to buy a fish tank.

By way of explanation, Psycho Fish is Krista's goldfish from her junior year of high school. That was FIVE years ago. Psycho Fish is also the Hannibal Lector of the goldfish world. He is very aggressive and routinely knocks out the fish bowl competition not to mention himself on the walls of the tank. The tank we had was starting to leak and realizing that even a Psycho Fish needs a secure home, we headed over to Pet Extreme and brought home a ten gallon tank. After serious discussions with the fresh water fish expert at PE, we also brought home a koi to take up residence with our goldfish. Linda, the expert, said we did not want to purchase a fancy goldfish since they are very mild manner. Since Clark Kent versus Hannibal Lector was not what I had in mind, we went with Plan B, a koi. Since Koi can hold their own with fish bowl bullies, we picked up a koi about three inches long. So far, all is harmonious in fish world. I'm heading out now for Chinese for dinner

Progress - Well, it's a start

After a week of working on just the basket that was on top of the mountain of photographs, I finally have "finished" the items it contained. This involved mounting pictures, or toss a few, cutting MANY into one inch squares, or setting a very few aside for further consideration. I completed 24 back to back album pages. They are all loose. I have this half formed idea of sorting the pages before putting them in albums but for now I'll just see where I'm led.

All week I have been consumed with this work. I have not written a thing. I haven't done anything creative and I don't think I will for a while. Writing will probably work itself back into my life but for now I'm completely wrapped up in this project.

On the home front, Quanah had a job interview today. It was over the phone and conducted as a preliminary interview. This school is in Wisconsin so based on preliminary interviews, they will then consider flying him out for a final interview. The school is one that Quanah would be happy to teach at. It is a good fit for his devote and obedient faithfulness to the Church. It is also not far from our Wisconsin relatives, a side of the family he has never met and I have not seen since 1971. The biggest plus is that Wisconsin is a lot closer to Ohio where his fiance will be finishing her final year of graduate school. We are praying that all goes well and he is selected for this position.

This is Krista's last week working at Starbucks. She tried to work both there and at the medical office but it was just too much. She is now exploring other medical field job possibilities. It will require continued schooling but taking the G.E. classes on-line will help to keep her moving forward.

I am energized and filled with a sense of accomplishment. One basket down and several bins and boxes to go. Stay tuned.

An Earthly Perspective

I was just cruising around in blogsphere this morning and I ran across this. I found is uniformly fascinating, unsettling, and sobering. My thanks to Pepe and the others before her, for posting this.

Fourth of July

Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith rehearse
for today’s Fourth of July concert on the
Esplanade in Boston yesterday.
(GARY HIGGINS/The Patriot Ledger)





I went to Boston and Washington D.C. tonight. Will someone please explain to me how D.C.'s celebration could be so boring and Boston's so riveting. Okay, so it may have had something to do with the Boston POPs, and having Steven Tyler and Joe Perry on the scene didn't hurt either. Nevertheless, the D.C. package just could not tear me away for tonight's NCIS repeat. From Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" to Neil Diamond's "Coming to American", the Boston POPs celebration packeted a considerable wallop.

For years we've gone to the university's amphitheatre concert event and enjoyed our little fireworks display. Compared to the Charles River event, it's pretty small and fireworks and music are by no means in sinc but if the Stanislaus Symphony Orchestra had the POP's budget, we would give them some competition. Oh, yeah.

So tonight was a quiet night. The BBQ didn't happen. Family plans fell through at the last minute. But, we three had an unexpectedly pleasant evening just gathered around the tube listening and watching and I even made continued progress on the reduction of Mt. Break my Back Photograph. All in all, not a bad way to spend the Fourth.

In the moment with one word

Okay, I'm doomed. I haven't done one of these for a while and I will blame Janet. One word answers are definitely going to be a challenge.

1. Yourself: Decluttering
2. Your partner: working
3. Your hair: shortish
4. Your mother: waiting
5. Your father: memory
6. Your favorite item: books
7. Your dream last night: ?
8. Your favorite drink: seltzer
9. Your dream home: oneofakind (OK, I cheated)
10. The room you are in: office
11. Your pleasure: photography
12. Your fear: heights
13. Where you want to be in 10 years: alive!!
14. Who you hung out with last night: Krista
15. What you're not: baker
16. Your best friend: secret
17. One of your wish list items: Scotland
18. Your gender: female
19. The last thing you did: this
20. What you are wearing: clothes!
21. Your favorite weather: mild
22. Your favorite book: Pride & Prejudice
23. Last thing you ate: leftovers
24. Your life: changing
25. Your mood: anticipating
26. The last person you talked to on the phone: colleague
27. Who/what are you thinking about right now: daydreaming

Photo "Break My Back" Mountain

I hope, though I'm not holding my breath, that this is IT. I hope that this mountain of boxes and bins (and one basket) contains the majority, if not all, of the photographs in this house that have not been posted into an album. We already have countless albums so all is not lost but this is overwhelming enough that it has been a huge barrier to my going forward with anything that is truly expressive of my creative side. With this mountain set dead center in the middle of our front room, there is no ignoring it.


There are photos in these boxes that date back as far as the late 1800's. Fortunately, except of one, I know who all of the individuals are. So - the plan is to tackle these boxes and bins one at a time. I will be sorting, choosing, tossing, setting aside to give to others, and also creating a fourth pile that eventually will be cut into one inch squares (more about that later). Disposition of all this is pretty self-explanatory. I also plan to take a picture of this mountain as it sinks into the abyss of memory and then take a picture of all the albums that will be created.


So, in keeping with my To-Do List of the day, hair has been colored, and my nails have been primped and polished. The first item (that basket on the right) is about to be tackled.