Please visit me here these days. SFASMT has been parked permanently at the train station.

I'm thinking of taking a rest from blogging. I love it here but I'm feeling very unproductive. My friend Biene says I'm resting. There is so much on my mind that I need to think about that I'm going to just kick back for a while. I actually have lots I would like to do, including a challenge meme from Mary at Beadfluff . I won't be entirely away though. I will continue to keep up reading and staying in touch. I would miss everyone terribly if I just fell off the edge of the earth. I just don't have anything in me right now to share so I'm going to slip away from a while.

******************
Follow-up - later, after posting the above, I had a sort of epiphany. The reason for resting is really for regrouping and refocusing. I will probably still be posting here occasionally but I'll be spending most of my time at my In My Dreams blog. If my purpose for the next couple of years is to prepare for a reshaped reality, then I need to start acting like I am truly seeing myself so I can make my dreams come true.

Signs of Summer's Approach

Benchmarkers

This week marked a couple of different anniversaries for me. DH and I observed our 30th wedding anniversary on Tuesday and then yesterday I was honored for 20 years of service at the university where I work. I have to ask you, “WHERE does time go”?

We liked the idea of the Grand Canyon being our anniversary celebration so we earmarked that time as our special time. No other observances needed, just cards. Of course, I remembered the card BUT forgot to buy one for him. Typical. But, I made it up to him. (Glinting little grin happening here.)

Then yesterday the campus hosted the annual staff and faculty honors for time put in. I go to this event every five years. This was my 4th and marked 20 years. The nice thing about this particular benchmark is that I won't have to wait five more years. I'll only be waiting three years. I'll be retiring in 2 1/2 years and I'll be called back as a retiree. I LIKE that.

Also, this year they had two drawings for gift certificates. I never pay much attention to these because the last time my name was called was 20!!!! years ago when I first came to the campus. It was at some other event. How surprised was I when my name was called. I am now in possession of a $25 American Express gift check. So, how will I spend it? Hummm . . . Books? Yarn? Dinner with DH? Cash for my next road trip with Elaine? Well, whatever. It was a nice surprise and is presently being used as a bookmark in my current GOOD READ - The Confession of Fitzwilliam Darcy. For Jane Austen lovers, this is a lovely read. It's Pride and Prejudice from Darcy's point of view. Fun reading.

I find I'm slowing down in a lot of ways. Not much going on and I'm losing myself in reading, crocheting, and watching TV in the evenings (usually 2 and sometimes 3 all at once). No inspiration these days for writing, photography, or any sort of creative activity. Darn. I thought winter was over but unfortunately, the Muse does not seem to know this yet.

The Future

I learned about 10 years ago that I can retrain my mind so that I don't worry so much; not anticipate the worst that can happen. Somewhere along the line, I had learned to believe that if you imagined the worst that could happen, it certain would NOT happen. For the most part, I found that credo to live by true, but, it was an exhausting and demanding credo.

Then, ten years ago, DH was approaching his first retirement. We had just moved to Turlock, bought a home, and in 18 months, he would be retired and looking for a second career path. I knew that no matter what, this retirement was inevitable, so I decided it was time to not worry so much about what it would mean financially but to turn my thoughts to acceptance.

This mental retraining was hard work. I was swimming up the stream against the very credo that had sustained me for too many years - if you expect the worst, you won't be disappointed when things don't go as bad as they might have. So - how did I manage this?

Well, I knew what I feared so RECOGNITION had been achieved. Once the fear was recognized and acknowledged, I was able to start seeing it in all of its disguises. Once I was able to see my fears and face them, I could turn away from them and as they say "Let go and let God". I was amazed at how well it worked. Not immediately, but, eventually it worked.

Talking yourself out of negative, self-defeating thoughts is sort of like reverse brainwashing, except this time you are literally washing your brain of the thing that holds you back. When the day came for Don's final day of work and more to the point, the following Monday when he did not have to get up for that long commute, all was peaceful within me. I knew and believed that we would be alright. Ten years later and his second and final retirement a year past, I have learned the lesson and I worry a lot less these days.

So now it is my turn. Retirement looms. I have 2 1/2 years to go and I want it so bad I can taste it. But, I learned something else along the way of retraining my fears and disconnecting from them; I also learned that you have to do a bit of planning. I don't mean financial planning, thought that is a given. This plan comes under the heading of "What will I do now that I'm all grown up?"

Certainly, I can kick back. Lord knows, I love to kick it. Give me a book, a cup of coffee, good music, my journal and a serene setting and I'm in heaven. Give me a walk in any sort of weather and my camera will go to work. Give me time to actually have the energy to follow-up on creative inspiration and I'm there. So what will I be doing?

Yesterday I was having coffee with my friend, Elaine, and I told her that I had always had this dream of having a little hole in the wall shop filled with books and treasures. It would be a place where people could come for coffee and tea, a comfortable chair to settle in for a while, a sort of retreat away from home. Elaine says put it out there and it can happen. Not news of course but a good affirmation nonetheless.

Having my own shop would give me a place to present my own work as well. Small books of poetry, my photography, greeting cards, etc. Since I'm still working, I can't do this, however, I can PLAN. The first step was opening my Etsy store. Currently I have a few crocheted items posted and now some of my photography is up.

And then the universe opened up another door - a show. Elaine is developing into a promoter and she has a plan that includes me. Beyond that, there isn't too much to say except that I will be in a show. What an exciting possibility to look forward to.

So, I have a plan. Develop my Etsy store, improve my digital knowledge, put together my poetry into small books, and most importantly, develop consistency and discipline so that I can succeed in my vision.

As we go into the weekend . . .

. . . I would like to share this reminder of the need for peace, the need to resist violence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kVlssD8kTc

The Grand Canyon

Kris and Chad - the reason for the trip

Reunited for a few days after six week apart.

Chad is working these days with a big helicopter company that works out of the Grand Canyon.

This is Krista's first sight of the Grand Canyon. For anyone who has never seen it, you just cannot KNOW how immense it is. Pictures do not do it justice. Yes, big is big but SEEING it is a whole other thing. Kris' first glimpse was from the road through trees. She just about gave herself whiplash when she realized what she was seeing.

There was still a lot of snow in the canyon. The North Rim is closed from October through May There was actually a snowfall just a couple of days before we arrived in Williams so seeing the snow wasn't too surprising.

It doesn't take much to make me dizzy when it comes to heights. I can't even get on a low diving board without my head swimming on me. That I actually got out on this point was an accomplishment entirely due to the fact that there was a metal fence barrier to hold onto. Nevertheless, holding on was still a white knuckle experience for me and walking and turning from one side to another was a slow process.



Look closely in the lower left of the picture.
There is a suspension bridge spanning the Colorado River.

It was really bright and me without my shades. Typical.

The Road to Arizona

The desert between Tehachapi, California and Willliams, Arizona is defined as high desert. It is a scrub bristling, ocatilla dotted, yucca bursting, Joshua tree blooming, wide open land. Crossing this green and yellow, burnt land are towns widely spaced with names like Tehachapi, Yucca, Kingman, Seligman, Ash Fork, and Williams.

Most offer little but two stand out and offer lots of visitor possibilities. Aside from Interstate 40 taking travelers from one destination to another, the biggest lure on this stretch of road is the nostaglia of old Route 66. Our destination, Williams, AZ, lies right on the historic route. Though little remains of cafes, motels or motor courts in Williams, there is plenty of preserved nostalgia.

You can visit the Route 66 Museum

Twisters

the train station, and Harvey house. There is no shortage of memorabelia - everything from magnets, postcards, maps, pictures, mugs, clocks, roadsigns, music, T-shirts and sweatshirts, gasoline pumps and gas signs.

Twisters serves up old fashion hamburgs, fries, onion rings, malts, shakes, and ice cream sundaes. The decor is pure soda fountain Coka Cola chic with Route 66, Elvis, and Betty Boop in the mix.

We stayed at the Buffalo Pointe Lodge and enjoyed our stay there a lot. Our host, Dan, was a friendly, ease-going guy. The cook, Cisco, was terrific. Great food. Great room. Wonderful memories.

Stay tuned. The Grand Canyon is up next.

Writer's Island - Deja Vu

This past Saturday we drove to Arizona to visit a friend and see the Grand Canyon. I had not been to the Grand Canyon since 1972. Neither Don nor Krista had ever been. The road from California to Williams, AZ, following Interstate 40 was completely unchanged from the last time I had travelled that route in 1994 on a return trip from Missouri. It was a true moment of Deja Vu. But then Krista gazed out the window and said "I see green and brown all around..." and I realized that this was all NEW to her. So Kris - this poem to timeless I40 is for you.

FOR KRISTA

Green, brown, sage, yellow bursting from the ground
Flora and fauna in deceptive numbers abound
Blues and whites drift languidly above
Hills and washes fold together, a series of sheltering coves

Mountains harsh, rough and bare
Yucca stands alert
Racing roadrunner and chasing hare
Startled movement, puffs of dirt

Satellite and cell towers
Communications soar
Mountains a far off lookout bower
Of past and present blending lore.

Easter Trip to the Grand Canyon

I am so excited. We are going to the Grand Canyon. The one time I was there before was in 1972, in the summer. Now we are going in spring. I expect the weather to be much milder. Krista's Chad is working with a helicopter company at the canyon and he has time off Easter Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so with Don being retired and me with vacation time to use, we decided on a quick trip so the young people could see each other for the first time since early February.

My trip to the canyon in 1972 was with a long-time friend going back nearly 40 years. We were two women on the road having an adventure. She had logged a lot of adventure miles by that time in her life. I, on the other hand, was just starting out with "solo" adventures.

This anticipated trip is stirring up a lot of memories that I plan to share when we return. In the meanwhile, we leave at 4 a.m. Saturday morning. Tanner gets kenneled tonight (which is causing Kris and I no end of anxiety). We will pick him up first thing Wednesday morning. Tanner and his peeps will be very happy to be re-united.

So, stay tuned. Don and I are staying in Williams. He has cooked up his usual surprise for me. I love surprises.

Limitless Imagination & A Cereal Surprise

I am continually surprised by the beauty that is created with the tools at hand. The university art gallery has an interesting series of sculptures on display this month. However none are as interesting as the table being shown.

The artist poured amber colored resin in a circular form about 1/2 inch deep. Floating in the form were all manner of cereals, sugarcoated and plain, colors and shapes galore. Seeing this table was such a happy surprise.

Snow Flurries, Friends, and Bloggiversaries

Saturday, last, turned into one of those looked forward to days that turned into a looking back on great memories day. Elaine and I took off on one of our ubiquitous road trips. This time, instead of heading west to San Francisco, we took off for the north and Pollock Pines. Along the way, we picked up my friend Barbara who lives in Diamond Springs. Barb has joined me at meet ups before. Click here for my Jan. 07 meet-up in Placeville.

This trip was all about meeting up with Tammy, our Daily Warrior, again. I first met Tammy when she lived in Sonora. Mom was still alive and made that trip with me. It was one of my last with mom. Click here for more about that first meeting. Tammy loves to share her Beloved cabin in the woods. The threatening weather gave Elaine and I some worries about even MAKING up there, but Saturday morning broke with clear blue skies dotted with white, fluffy clouds. There was nothing threatening to keep up on our way.

Tammy's home is filled with loving adornment and soft colors. Entering her house is like entering the embrace of a peaceful oasis, a place that will call you back again and again. Tammy says she collects only one thing, teapots and tea cups but I found angels everywhere as well. This little fellow is in the front yard, some of Dave's bulbs waiting to be set into the ground.

And speaking of Dave, no doubt about it, he is Tammy's most loving and tender adornment.

After a detailed exploration of Tammy's home, we headed into Pollock Pines to lunch at Los Hermanos. We had so much fun. We were like four chattering magpies that had a lot to say and there was no stilling us. The waiter got into the spirit of things and we decided that the next trip would include lunch at the Chinese restaurant next door. And then there was a hot dog place too. And, and, and. . . for such a little town, Pollock Pines offers a great variety of food.

Barbara called me the next day, delighted that she had had the chance to meet Tammy and Dave. Barb's Jeff is a fisherman and so is Tammy's Dave. I think it is only a matter of time before fishing plans are made. Oh, and Barbara has four grandsons. Guess who ELSE has four grandsons? There will be no lack of conversational topics with eight little boys to discuss and compare notes over.

The eyes definitely have it. Come visit. You will leave the better for it.

And just one more thing.

I noticed that today is the first day of the third year of my blogging. Happy Bloggiversary to ME. Let the FUN continue.

Pretty in Pink

For a short period of time, the campus blooms white and pink. The white blossoms have dropped but the pinks are still with us.

Some things you just KNOW about yourself

I think I would have been very disappointed if anything other than Fall had come up. No doubt about it - Fall is my favorite time of the year.

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times... You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

Doorways Around the World

Today is Doorways Around the World Day. This doorway superstructure is a work in progress of St. Stanislaus Catholic Church in Modesto, California. By this time next year, the building will be complete and we will be celebrating our first Easter Sunday Mass within. For other doorways around the world, please click HERE of HERE or HERE.

Contrition

Lent has always been a difficult time for me. I have an idea of how Lent should go but I've never had a firm grasp of the rituals nor the discipline to pursue the rituals in seeking penance and forgiveness. This Lent, however, I resolved to do something that is, for me, very different. I have not given up anything. What I have actually done is try to develop a ritual of enriched reading and improving my prayer life. To that end, I've been reading A Treasury of Catholic Wisdom, For the Greater Glory of God, and of course, The Bible.

Three weeks into Lent, I am starting to gain some insight into recognizing and then facing habits and rationalization that lead to sin. Once these negative habits are acknowledged, it is surprising how quickly the solution can come to changing the habit from a negative behavior to a positive. I have no doubt that I would have gotten to this point eventually if for nothing else than my conscience would have started nagging me. However, I believe it is the books above that have provide a more clear path to change and hence, forgiveness.

I have also learned that even though we are very insignificant in the larger scheme of things, we are all truly unique and have a voice that God will hear. And more than that, we have ears that will hear His responses. We need only talk to him with an open heart and mind and spirit to hear what He has to say to us.

CONTRITION

Motes of dust on specks of sand
joined as shoreline of land
waiting at the water’s edge of God's mercy,
our gathering place.

Alone, I am, in this gathering place.
My sin my own, an offense not to be compared to any other's.
All insult of sin so great, a rejection of God's friendship,
infinite goodness and grace.

Feeling love for Him, how could I not love myself?
Neither is possible alone.
Loving patience, forgiving and infinite -
His only demand? Embrace good, reject evil.

White room, adorned in nothingness,

becomes my slate, my learning place, of recognition.
Sins un-recounted, forgiveness a plea. Accepting God's mercy,
we unwrap His gift of our uniqueness.

Mote on dust -
Dust on sand grain -
Grain in a sea of sand grains -
Alone but known
and, heard.

Books, Books, and more Books

I'm reading Becoming Jane Austen and The Thirteenth Tale. I'm so completely in love with both of these books that I can't not read them separately. So - I assigned reading time for each.
Jane is evening reading. Thirteenth is daytime reading. Someone told me today that John F. Kennedy did the same thing. He was a smart man. I guess that says something about me. . .or, NOT.

My Etsy is Opened

I have thought literally for years about selling on-line. Like everything else that has required self-exposure, it has taken me forever to take this first step.

I have discovered over the past couple of years that I love crocheting and writing and a few surprise things from my childhood that I plan to re-invent and offer here as well. Please come visit soon.

One Deep Breath - Ink

My ink spreads like tears

across papers rough and smooth.

My tears say good-bye.

Around My World Today

Spring is busting out all over. Enjoy!!